"I have a theory... Grumpy Cat and Garfield are cousins..."

"Girls were created to be beautiful... They do not need external modifications..."

Improper grammar is comedic gold...

"mommmm... I understand that there is give and take in conversations... But quite frankly... I like to hear myself talk..."

"for every molecule of gravy you add to something... It becomes 50 percent tastier..."

"The hexagon is my favorite shape. Anyone who doesn't like it is a hexahater."

On the vegetable "leek"... It's one of the most respected vegetables... It needs little... But broccoli needs dips to make it possible to eat...